“Jeanne Marie Johnson, 35, of Portland, Ore., had a happy pregnancy, but she began having visions right after her daughter, Pearl, was born. She said in an interview that she imagined suffocating her while breast-feeding, throwing her in front of a bus, or “slamming her against a wall.”

She said she was horrified at the idea of hurting her baby, and did not carry out the acts she envisioned. Yet while overlooking a shopping mall skating rink, “I pictured myself leaning over the bridge and letting her fall and bust like a watermelon,” she said. “I was actively thinking of ways to harm her.”

I read this story with my heart in my throat, remembering the short period of time when I had intrusive thoughts after bringing home my oldest daughter.

But here’s the catch: my daughter was adopted.

In the absence of childbirth, what happens to the brain of a mother that can account for these terrifying thoughts? If a plummet in hormones has not occurred, what is the explanation? And how many adoptive mamas experience this devastation? What do we do to help them?

Read the full story on Adoption.net…