NY Times: How Do I Know What’s Bullying and What’s Normal Conflict?
Note from Carrie: October is National Bullying Prevention Awareness month, and I have written the following piece about the difference between true bullying and normal social conflict for the NYT. I hope this is helpful for all of you who aren’t sure when to intervene in painful social situations.
When my daughter started first grade, she raced off to school each morning, eager for the day ahead. Within a few weeks, however, she lost her enthusiasm and hung her head. “I don’t want to go to school tomorrow,” she cried one night, as I tucked her into bed.
It turned out that a boy in her class was calling her “piggy” and making fun of her weight, and the other kids had joined in the name-calling. Our lovely girl will probably never be skinny, but she is healthy and active. My instinct was that “piggy” went beyond normal teasing (way beyond), but how do you know what’s bullying, and what’s normal? The very word “bullying” sets off emotional reactions in our communities, and many school administrators shut their eyes to all forms of social conflict, lest it be announced that their school has a “bullying problem.”
The conversation needs to be shifted away from fear and towards solutions. Social pain is very subjective, which means we need a common language for defining what bullying is. And what it is not.
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